A lot of people have asked me what it’s like in a long distance relationship. It’s a topic that I’ve wanted to write about numerous times, but I’ve always hesitated. I don’t think that I’m an expert on this stuff, and it is a bit more personal.
With that said, it’s a huge part of my life at the moment, and maybe I can share some tips & insight to some of you also in long distance relationship, or considering getting into one.
First off, no one WANTS to be in a long distance relationship. It’s much easier to NOT be in one. But at the end of the day, are you happier being with this person despite not physically being with them? or being alone or with someone else? When my boyfriend decided to go away for school, there was no hesitation, we were going to be long distance.
In the beginning, I cried a lot…and that’s okay. The first time he was leaving, there was so much change, and naturally doubts that were going on in my head. Not doubts about our relationship, but obviously there’s a negative light on long distance relationships, whether through media or through others’ personal experiences. Looking back, I realize that anticipation was the worst part. A lot of it had to do with wondering if I would be okay? As much as I am my own individual with my own family and friends, would I be sad and lonely every day waiting for him to be back? or would I be able to resume my life?
I always say that, if a long distance relationship doesn’t work, it’ll not work a lot faster. Meaning, it won’t drag on, the way it often does when two people are near each other and comfortable. At the same time, if it DOES work, while I’m sure life will throw many more challenges, it’s quite an achievement to get through together..so I see it as if it works, it WORKS.
We’ve been at this for almost a year and a half now. Below, I’ve complied a few things that personally make the process easier for me.
- Don’t listen to Others
A lot of people are going to share their hesitations, or their own personal stories “Oh yeah…I’ve tried that before, good luck.” With that said, every single couple is different. Even if you were to share the same postal code with someone, there’s still a high chance of that relationship not working. The distance doesn’t make a relationship easier but it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker either.
2. Plan & Look Forward to the Next Time
As soon my boyfriend left, I began looking at plane tickets. I’m constantly planning vacations for us, day trips, things will do with family and friends when we’re together. It makes something that could be sad, into a lot of excitement and anticipation.
3. Change Your Perspective
Trust me, it’s easy to sulk & cry about how long it’ll be until you see one another (I speak from personal experience). But change your perspective. For example. . Let’s say I see him in three months…I’ll be so excited by the 2nd month..that really..it’s technically 2 months. 2 months sounds a lot better than 3 months. 2 months is 8 weeks.
When I visit him for 8 days, that makes up for the 8 weeks that I didn’t see him..so technically we saw each other once/ a week. .. so reallly.. no time has been lost.
It’s awful going to bed angry, but it’s probably 3x worse when you’re in a long distance relationship. Tell each other when you miss each other. At the same time, you don’t have to say it all day & every single day..saying it when you really mean it makes it that much more special.
5. Work Towards an End Date
Whether it’s six months or five years..try to see some sort of end date to this distance. A lot of the time it’s unrealistic to be able to put a specific date on it (factors being school, career opportunities, money, personal reasons etc.)..but having a rough idea helps. It feels a lot more helpless being in a long distance relationship, if you don’t know when it’ll end. Imagine planking and not knowing when it’ll end, versus knowing you’re doing it for a minute. Which feels worse?
A long distance relationship is a long series of highs and lows. The excitement that I get leading up to the days that I’ll see him, is unexplainable. The time that we actually spend together, I can honestly say that we appreciate every single minute. I appreciate when he’s studying beside me, when we’re dining out, when we’re waiting in line at the grocery store, or doing nothing at all. We take each other for granted, a lot less. With that said, the night before I leave, it’s an ultimate low as well. I don’t usually like talking to anyone the two days after I’m back, since honestly I’m pretty miserable.
With that said, we both fall back into our routines, and await our next experience together.
I hope you took something from this. If you have any questions at all, I’d be more than happy to answer!
Have a great night,