Lately, I feel like I haven’t been the best version of myself. I don’t feel productive enough, appreciative enough, patient enough and I’m just generally drained.
I realized, it has nothing to do with anything external in my life, but only to do with me. Every day, and all day, my mind is constantly ON. No matter what I’m doing, I have at least four other thoughts at the same time.
First of all, this is obviously not productive. One of my “New Years Resolutions,” was to multi-task less. This resolution was made in hopes of making me more productive.
The worst part of having so many thoughts in my head all day, is that most of these aren’t even actual problems. They’re merely “what if” situations, me over analyzing things, or me playing out scenarios in my head.
This then leads me to stress about why I can’t seem to relax, & enjoy my life in the moment as it is. I feel stuck in this infinite loop of unnecessary stress. This stress then leads to frustration, for all that time I just wasted stressing. Every night, I tell myself (or Vituni), that tomorrow’s a new day. Tomorrow I’m going to direct all this negative wasted energy, into something productive.
I’m a person who sleeps VERY easily..but for the last three nights, my head’s been spinning. Maybe it’s because I watched really dark episodes of “Big little lies,” but I’m sick of this. I must improve.
I think I do this, because I believe that I’m preparing myself for the worst. I’m a person who doesn’t like uncertainty. I know, how ridiculous this is. Trust me as I’m rereading all this, I’m like damn girl you need to CHILL.
I’m going to actively try to be a better version of myself. I’m going to do things that will develop me as a person, which will help me redirect my negative energy into productive things.
- I’m going to learn to be comfortable with uncertainty
- I’m going to be more present while I’m listening to others speak (not thinking of the other however many thoughts)
- I’m going to actively realize I’m over thinking, and butt those extra thoughts out of my mind
- I’m going to take others’ words at face value
- I’m going to read more – fill my brain with new knowledge vs. old thoughts
- I’m going to blog more – let some of these thoughts & free up some more room in my mind
- I’m going to drink less coffee – cause damn LOL I need to chill
The majority of you reading this will probably say – what on earth is this girl rambling about? If so, that’s OKAY since I felt better after writing this.
But damn, if my own thoughts are my worst enemy – I have it pretty good.
Hopefully one or two of you can relate to all of this.
Have a great night,